Midnight Ramblings.

Hey
Have you ever just lost sleep? Like completely lost sleep? Am I describing insomnia? Well, that was me yester night. I mean like all the necessary things that make me fall asleep kabisaa were there- Rain, cool but not so cold breeze, had had rice for supper, I thought it was my bladder keeping me awake but I checked and it wasn’t- you get the picture? Everything was good, almost perfect, only one thing missing- actual sleep.

Before we get started, get comfortable and Hey you! Welcome to my blog! I write stuff and spitball A LOT!

That is normally the point when you start thinking about everything. Quite literally. Now, if you don’t mind, let me show you what was going on in my ten or so tabs that just opened instantaneously.

  1. What if I got married? Weird, right? I started thinking about the whole marriage concept and as the over thinker I am, I saw the good and the bad. I saw it as the ultimate dream ( minus interplanetary flight obviously) for most people, that’s if you are a normal human being. We all think of having the ultimate companion, that person who is your ride or die, the person you’ll do anything of. I’m pretty sure you get my drift. That person. Now imagine the rest of your life with that person- you with me on the ultimate dream part yet? Or should I continue? Okay- I don’t believe in soulmates and stuff but for this context, let’s say you found your soulmate. Now a life with her under legal confines of the country- Marriage. Full of love and all that. Then I thought of Kate Chopin’s Short story, The Story of an Hour, about this woman, Louise, who feels marriage limits her freedom and is happy when her husband dies even though she had loved her as far as being a wife goes. Will my wife be like Louise too? I have doubts about that since it was set in the 1800s or 1900s and we are at a different time. Who am I kidding? I didn’t think of all that at once, I just had this image of someone else lying next to me, and I was calm and at peace with her. So then I started thinking of marriage- not the fairytale stuff but the whole concept of marriage. I should blog about it sometime. That is tab one.
  2. Tab Two. I thought about my vampire obsession and the book that I am currently writing. The basic questions came through haraka. If I was a vampire, would I be able to control my urges? I have trouble enough with my current addictions as they are but I was imagine that struggle tenfold. I would have probably checked in at vampire therapy. Still, on vampires, I was thinking of the setting of my book, it is modern, but the transition between the primary characters ( people in another world in the 1600s) and my main character ndio where the problem was. Do I use The Magicians style like Fillory? Ama like Chronicles of Narnia? I haven’t even written synopsis about it but I read somewhere that I have to write what I like, what I love, not really what the fans want (sorry guys) if I am ever to be true to myself. I guess that’s the problem I’m having with Butterflies and Circles. Anyway, I will deal with the synopsis tomorrow and probably write a chapter or a chapter and a half and forward it to my potential agent.
  3. Still, on books, I thought about the books I still have to read, a whole list but zero worries there, I am a pretty fast reader if the book Is interesting. I didn’t think so much here as my thoughts drifted to my Comics-Sundays. I have to download and read all Future state Comics by tomorrow midnight. It doesn’t sound like much of a hassle. And ladies and gentlemen, that was tab three.
  4. Tab four was mostly about the movies and series that are on my list. I have The Vampire Diaries, a whole Batman chronological order list, Jay’s list, Godzilla Vs Kong, Big bang Theory, Legacies, and Bob’s Burgers. I thought about downloading them but with the rain, it would be as if I am giving my money to Safaricom for charity- poor network. I could risk it but then that would mean I stream some episodes while waiting for them to download. The earliest that this adventure was going to make me sleep was at 3 am. Now, who would want that?
  5. I got tired thinking about Safaricom and thought of how I suck at keeping writing promises. I am really bad at it, and there is no sugarcoating. No excuses. I was just lazy. I remembered that I had subtly mentioned a blog post on Sunday or Monday on Friday and I hadn’t done all the necessary research that comes with the major topics. Currently, I was having trouble sleeping and had all these thoughts, and writing about them seemed to be the next best thing. Like a free bargaining chip or get out of jail card. It is something. Plus, it has been two weeks already since I last posted. I just sat on my bed and began writing but got bored when I saw all the editing that I would have to do tomorrow. It is going to be a big hassle. Life is pretty hard for writers, like someone else said, “the earth is hard”. And I sincerely hoped that it would eventually tire me and I would get some sleep. Right now, at 1 am, my feet are almost numb and I think that’s a good sign. While we wait, that was tab five.
  6. Tab six was all about my sleeping schedule. It is a mess. A mess of my own doing. A few months ago, I was skeptical of why adults went to sleep early, at around 9 to 10 pm. I was like, “ You don’t have to go to school, you won’t be beaten so why the hassle?” until recently when I noticed that my happiest days were the ones in which I had had enough sleep. And by enough, I mean I had slept at 10 and woken up at 7. I used to watch until 3 am but right now, I don’t think I can be awake past 2 am. That’s progress, even though little. I started thinking, why am I not asleep already? Am I hungry? Nope, I had juice before I slept. Could it be the sugar? Nope, I never get sugar rushes. Could it be pee? No, I have a pretty strong bladder. Should I have taken valium? Maybe, it helped the first two days. Am I stressed? Maybe a little bit. I haven’t written in a while, A long while. Am I becoming less creative and more boring? Maybe, so I began writing. This is going to be one of those posts that I’ll categorize as midnight ramblings of a crazy man. I think I found my reason- I had taken an afternoon nap from 2 through to 6. That was a whopping 4 hours asleep. Silly me. I knew this would happen but continued either way. My writing is getting slurred. I think that’s a sign it’s bedtime.
  7. Dan, a distant cousin is still watching the Tv, the noise counts for something. I never get why people are so addicted to Tv, I am the most uninterested person when it comes to local shows- Njoro wa Uba being the only exception. Anyway, bora he wakes up on time, sina shida.
  8. Niingie Twitter? Nope. Nitakaa huko hadi 4 am. Whatsapp? Nope. I’ll get distracted. Wikipedia? Nimetoka huko saahii. A series? 3 am is that you calling me? Let me continue emptying the tabs.
  9. I think my year of being single is drawing to a close (Of Love and Heartbreaks). I need to find myself someone. If you see me in your dms, I am just looking for my lobster. Get it?
  10. Reorganizing all my blogs into categories and stuff. The change I mentioned earlier is coming. I can feel it.
  11. I am going to regret this. It’s like you all were in my head, but it was fun, at least, I suppose, while it lasted. This will probably never happen again.
  12. Oh, I am supposed to bake maandazis tomorrow morning, for breakfast. I will put little holes on them zikae donuts. And nitengeneze many to last for a week or two. But vile watu wanakula huku, I give them A week and a half tops.
  13. FECK, knees numb, eyes drooping, I have to edit this post tomorrow by noon. Or before 4 pm. It is a real shit show. Or should I watch an episode ama since it’s Sunday, read a comic? Definitely going with the latter.

Peace out! That is bad, I will think of something tomorrow. And btw, this kind of helped. Thirteen Tabs, weeeuh!! Thank you. I am now blank, with zero thoughts, zero tabs open. It is raining again. I think I will shut down after one comic.

Adios.

Miscellaneous.

Series: What can I say? The Vampire Diaries has me hooked. I like the young Alaric and some parts of Damon. If you haven’t watched it already, please, what are you doing with your life?

Movies: Zack Snyder’s Justice League- I can never stop hyping this. Ever. It was a masterpiece!!!!

Music: NF hits all the spots. I would highly recommend you listen to him. And a little bit of Coldplay.

Books: Have I ever mentioned Dan Brown? If not, try him sometime.

Life Hacks:

  • Ever got a book with someone’s highlighter marks on it? Aaargh! I know how it sucks! Cut a lemon in half and get some juice on a cotton swab. Then run the swab over the highlighted text and watch the colour fade. The older the mark, the more stubborn it will be to remove.
  • If you love the dark and use candles all the time, you can use ice cubes to remove the wax in stead of scrapping it off and risk ruining your furniture.
  • Listen to Nyashinski for your sanity.
  • Wash your hands!!!!

Happy First Anniversary Lee!!

🥳🥳🥳🥳

Hey Guys. And Women, aargh. For all I know, guys is unisex.

Now, where should I start from? It has been a year since I took up the pen.(Sounds cool? No? People in movies say that all the time.) I know I sounded indecisive a few words ago but anyway, I have things to say, in some kind of order too. So, before we get started, please get comfortable and take three deep breaths, and before I forget, Welcome to my Blog! I write stuff and occasionally spitball A LOT.

Thank you everyone for making this possible ❤❤🙈

First order of the day is gratitude. I’d like to thank each and every one of you who read, promised to read and actually reread each or even one of my posts. It may seem like something negligible to you but it actually means the world to me. Every single read. Every one of you. To those who commented, thank you too. It means a lot to me; I don’t know if you fully grasp the situation, but let me try and explain it to you. There are days when you feel low, or just bored, where you wish someone gave you ice cream but all that is in the cream tub in the freezer is just beans. Overcooked but sweet beans. Then, out of the blue, I get a notification-“ Grace commented on your blog post.”, “Martin liked your blog post.”. This shit is epic. It feels awesome. It feels like someone just handed you five tubs of ice cream. Well, I have tried explaining it, haven’t I? It feels like a spark, that someone took time out of her schedule and actually read what I wrote. And had the time to comment on it. It normally gives us, writers, the motivation that we didn’t know we needed. Truth be told, I came up with blogging ideas almost instantaneously after a like or a comment- that is the power a like or a comment or a follow does to a writer. In short, I love and adore all of you.

The next thing on my list- I would like to thank me, you know, like that Snoop Dogg speech but today is not the day I become narcissistic. Trust me, I will be, in future though. Let’s stay on the good for now, shall we? Writing is fun. It really is. You get to allow people into a world that you created. A world that entirely depends on you. Oh, my bad. That came out like I am all powerful. I shall rephrase that. You get to allow people to see things from your perspective. Better? Okay. We find simple joys on how we view the world, and well, I want to share that joy with you people. I can’t classify this as a journey yet because, who am I kidding? It hasn’t even began. It is the proverbial first step in the a thousand steps trek. Now, if we may, we can take into account of this blog’s growth in the past one year. Oh God,I was so corny!

Let us recap. My first post [ Fasten Your Seatbelts, the Journey’s began!!]was full blown panic mode activated. People dying in Italy had had me worked up but look at us now, doing a little over half their casualty numbers and we are comfortable with it, not that the virus is any less deadlier, but ironically, the third wave is more lethal. Stay hydrated and observe hygiene guys. Don’t be stupid. That said, my legion of timekeepers kept track of T.B Joshua’s prophecy and we can gladly report that it turned out to be a hoax. I mean seriously, who was he kidding? Remember that Asteroid scare? Mahn, we were heavily tripping- not that we have any less crazy theories here but we can say we were more wrong about stuff, and right now, we are slightly less wrong about other things as well. My question still lingers- are we happy? Yeah, we are not so sure about that, are we?

The second post [Guys ain’t robots!! Well, apart from Cyborg.]’s topic speaks for itself. To be frank with you guys, I was going through a hard time (no one should know this, but it was a breakup), something which fueled most of my post during that period. I was full of resentment and very sensitive, but that is in the past now. We good. I moved on. Back to the matters at hand. Did you take the Mental Health Test? If not, shoo! Shoo! I don’t want you hear. Go take it ASAP. The third post, [Of Love and Heartbreaks], had me in my feelings, very deep that Drake had to make a song about it. Could we please not talk about that? I miss falling in love though, sounds nice. I actually listened to my advice and got new hobbies- My French is rusty, my drawing is bad, I write less often but that is a working progress, I finished three books in five months, I cook as many times as I possibly can, I watch movies and series A LOT these days and I gave up on my workout routine. All in all, I healed. And moved on.

I wrote others that I am not entirely pleased about[The Hell]. Come on, I was a teenager then. I think that is a valid excuse. Let us just say that last year I had a lot of feelings tu. The feelings are still there but I have learnt how to compartmentalize. If I continue talking about each and every one of my posts, fifteen in total, we shall be here way longer than I would want to. I just used the select few as examples of what I was up to for the last year.

That was the fun part, all of you were in my world, now shall we go behind the scenes? The downside of blogging. Where do I start? There is the inconsistency. How do I explain this? Okay. There are a lot of reasons that bring about this. I think I’d go with exhaustion as my first one. You get tired. Not tired of the fans or the ideas. Tired of Writing. Tired of rewriting, rereading, rewriting and editing your post a million times. I am definitely not justifying my laziness but writing a blog is a huge task. Thinking about it, researching about it, meticulously planning it, writing about it, editing it, thinking of how others may feel about it, everything about it.

I think that is all. It ain’t easy at times. You get frustrated, bored, angry, and even happy, but it is worth it.

I know future me will resent me for this, but that’s the fun it. I want to embarrass him as much as I possibly can.

Thank you all once again. I hope I will be writing more often than I usually promise. This is just the beginning. May we all be there to see the end.

We might be having changes in the overall look of the blog and its contents but I will surely inform you when that happens.

Au Revoir.

In case of anything, feel free to contact me at Chachalesley18@gmail.com. Peace out.

Dear Grandkids…

Dear Grandkids….

Dear Grandkids,

Hey you, How you doin’? Don’t tell me that you haven’t heard of this phrase before. I would’ve been a bad grandfather if you didn’t, or rather, I did not influence you to watch the greatest sitcom of the turn of the century * I am not sure if that phrase is right , but the heck, I am talking to my grandkids, to hell with being grammatically correct. That is not the point, the point is, how are you? You good? ( please insert some other pointless pleasantries and niceties.)

So that’s that, now where should I begin? I was/is a blogger, a shoddy one at that though, that is at the time I was writing you this letter, or whatever this is. Sounds corny? No? Meh. Anyway, If I am probably still alive, which I am, in around my seventies though, I definitely wouldn’t want you asking me questions, but maybe I would, you know, because people always say that in old age you derive the most joy from passing on your memories kosokoso, so I might just tell you the story of How I Met your Grandmother, wink wink wink. Trust me, that shit is going to be epic. I have probably mailed this to myself when I’m old, in addition to blogging about it in my time, so if I call you at random or text you or hologram you or whatever, its probably you bring me my batch of tasteless sugar, or sugarless ice cream, or tell you to show me how the latest tech works because I am too tired to Google that stuff for myself( side question, Is Google still there? Are people still tweeting or Twitter is like what Facebook is today? Just for old people?) ; or I could just be teasing you, you know, like when I call you then pretend that I have forgotten what I wanted to say, no, scratch that. I will definitely call you and then have selective amnesia; or real amnesia, whichever the case, I would have forgotten something. Sounds badass for an 80- year old, but when I call you, You FREAKING AS HELL better come!!! Or I’ll make your mum punish you. Oh God, I am going to be a very manipulative grandpa, no?

Let’s sit down and I’ll read you stories of the mighty Thor, and how Thanos beat him up!

I have no specific point to tell you but that I have buried some treasure at certain coordinates-you know, the type of treasure that has Captain Hook’s eye. Get it? You don’t do puns? I am so disappointed. I will whoop your parents’ behinds. That isn’t negotiable. If you don’t do puns, tell me that you can do pans then. Not pansexual type, but chef type. The easiest way to a person’s heart is through his stomach-plus utawakunywa na kuwakula wote if you know how to cook. Get this one IJN!!!!!! That was good though.

I don’t want to be the sulking grandpa and give you wise sayings and all that crap. All I can tell you is start working on your pick up lines. Your great great grandpa was Barney Stinson, and guess who his mentor was? Joey Tribbiani! Lest I forget Howard Wolowitz. That is an elite combo even if you didn’t ask me. Reminds me of my playbook- Yes, you thought right, I have one. I had help curating it but it is worth millions now, given you still use paper cash, or any cash as a measure of wealth. I will talk to you about girls later on, everything about them, but for now, just know that there are a whole lot of girls out there and if you have been heartbroken already, that is not the end. You know The Book of Ralph? From the 2020 series, The Flash? I have the Book of Lesley, ask your dad of it. I probably gave it to him when I was done with dating.

My Time

Was that a blank slate? Well, I have no pics but will take some for you though. I will show you when you come of age.

You want to know about my time? Let’s make this quick then. As the grandson of a Pastor, churches were a big deal then, and we had Bible Studies each and every day, I won’t pressure you to be born again, get saved , become an atheist, a Muslim, or any other religion that there is. Get all the facts and all the theories you want and then make your own decision. My grandmother(s) would kill me if they heard me say this, but then you probably have had an alien interaction in your time and you most likely reasoned out that there are other civilizations out there and if there is, that would mean that the whole 7-day-one-earth-creation theory would have some pretty big holes, the whole concept of the Bible will be tested.

We had this huge, huge deal of a disease called Covid-19 that threatened us all. Did I get that right? Oh Crap! I can’t do this, the memes made it easier. It was just a disease with a PR team that worked 24/7. I was part of it before I got fired. Anyway, we got vaccinated and that shit blew down. It was a huge cover up that helped introverts though- we had a legit excuse not to hang out with people. I was during the lockdown that I did some pretty stupid stuff, but I’ll tell you about that another day. The only meaningful stuff I did was to get a music taste, I don’t even think I can describe it yet. Okay, let me try. Picture this, an all you can eat buffet. That’s it. It is trash and pure gold. Drake said it perfectly, It will get in Your Feelings.

The greatest (from my view) advance in space exploration was the trip to Mars, or rather, exploration to Mars. If I haven’t yet gone to Mars or the Moon by the time you read this, please unplug my oxygen tank ASAP.

I wrote a book! Or books! Get your girlfriend a copy, or copies of greatness.

Drugs, blah blah blah, use some but don’t let them use you.

Sex and STIs, use your head you fool. The upper head though. The one used for thinking. Thinking about important stuff- I mean, aaaaaargh!!! The one with hair. Alright, you know what? I am going to stop typing now.

Anything else? I don’t think so. Oh, wait. If they ever find a way to reverse death, let me stay dead. Haha. I think I have had enough of earth for now, unless time travel is real- which I know it isn’t because you would have already comeback in time and we would have a chat or you’d have left some hints; or you can travel through space, you know, Guardians of The Galaxy style. You have my blessing to resurrect me but under those two conditions ONLY. Or when my ice cream company has come up with a new flavour.

You have my permission to resurrect me when this is real!

We will talk in depth later, now go and do what you normally do. Don’t tell anyone that you are my favourite. * Wink*

Till we meet at the delivery room,

Yours full of wisdom and stupidity,

Grandpa Lee.

WHAT A YEAR!

Unless you are crazy like me though, it wasn’t that bad.😂😂

“It was the year 2020, the year that singlehandedly brought the world to its knees quite literally. It was the year we knew every single one of us had a shitty side. It was the year we knew a whole lot about ourselves, the year we all went broke. The year I had pretty crazy ideas, I mean really crazy, and the best part of it is that it was the year I met your mother,” That is something Ted Mosby would say, but as much as I like him, I am not him.

Hello my favourite audience! Welcome to my blog once again; it actually feels good to have you here. If you are new, this is Coffee with Lee, where I talk about anything and everything. Before you subscribe, just know that I am a little bit crazy sometimes and an Ice cream freak. That said and done, please proceed to subscribe. I am still working on an intro, so in the meantime, get comfy and let’s begin.

Let me voice your thoughts out loud, may I? Another blog about 2020! They should know we are tired already. Blogs everywhere, can I get a break? Well, Sorry? Should I apologise?! I’d love to say this is completely different but in truth, it actually isn’t. It was somehow impromptu and not premeditated unlike the previous ones, so sincerely, sorry. If you wish for a break, BREAKS!!!!, there you go. But if I am to be completely sincere with you, this is just due to peer pressure.

Where should we start? With the normal ama? Ah, let’s talk about the common stuff- Corona. I won’t bore you with the facts but something positive worth mentioning is that there is a vaccine out there. Looking back at my earlier posts, I honestly cannot understand why I was so freaked out. Why? Compared to then, it wasn’t that serious. I was writing a whole blog post just because we had 50 cases? Fifty? if I could go ack in time, I could slap myself severally and even give myself a pep talk. Like why was I stressing about it? I’m not saying it wasn’t deadly then, what if the panic was just due to the fact that we weren’t used to living with it? What if it were a coping mechanism for the panic and fear that was instilled by not fully understanding the unknown- the unknown in this case being the virus? As we can all see, most of us got through that phase just fine; we still wash our hands and go out every once in a while. Schools are resuming, bars are opened. So in short, we can say the panic was all because we felt like we couldn’t control the virus? Not that we can control it any better, we just came to terms that it IS there and we have to deal with it. Damn, I sound like a psychologist there, let’s chill for a second, shall we? In the end, I could say that we were just overreacting.

I don’t need to remind you about the souls we lost during this time. Some of us were hit hard and are still recuperating. Not to be hardheaded but I think I could be the next King of Wakanda- if only I work out for thirty months, probably get married to Shuri- she’s cute and very very very intelligent. God, it’s me again! Your boy! I just ask for a woman like-… Now I’m becoming irrelevant but if you suffered a loss, I hope that you get through it at your own pace and I send you my deepest condolences. ( I’m sorry Wakandans, it was a moment of weakness. Wakanda forever!!!!)

I could as well update you on what happened on and in the world this year but I am sorry I won’t. I would, but it will be very long, and honestly, who has the time? If you want an abridged version, I highly suggest you watch a movie of the same, Death to 2020– its comedy. In lieu of that, we are going to narrow down a bit. This is a first but I will try to be straightforward as possible.

My 2020 in context

Of all the years I have been alive, and trust me, I am master Ugwe’s agemate, and in my many many years, I can say this has been a rollercoaster. Physically, it hasn’t taken a toll on me just yet, but I can say I had muscle pulls in places I am ashamed to say. How can you be walking perfectly fine then all of a sudden get a cramp in your armpit? There was this one time I was this one time B.C , before Corona, that I was going to drop my Abuela at Afya center early in the morning- she had some sacco stuff to finalize and we rode an Uber. On the way back, I decided to cut through Archives and appear later on Moi Avenue (I hate crowds) So yeah, I crossed to the other side and while I was scuttling past, my armpit decided to go on strike. The closest I can get to describing that feeling is that it was like that of a fingernail tearing but now it is actually muscle. I sincerely could not move my entire left hand, I mean, I would have but if I did, I would’ve screamed. If you saw me that day, I am sorry for the torture that your eyes had to endure; if you didn’t, let me just tell you the truth- I looked like a scarecrow that had been ripped off it’s arm. I got home a few minutes later and just went to sleep. So if you ever piss me off, I sincerely wish that you get muscle pulls in other unmentionable regions that cannot be helped. That was basically how my 2020 started, in the worst way ever.

A few months passed, was deeply in love, fell out of it and had a heartbreak. Let me tell you, character development is inevitable. She was great, awesome in fact but I messed up. I was very immature, to say the least. The details to that are limited to my personal therapist, who is a pretty awesome person by the way; I can count her as the universe’s blessing for 2020. I got myself a free heart surgery and it went well, learnt a few lessons on the way, some which I’ll embed into my novel, Butterflies and Circles. It is because of that that I vowed not to love for two years, 8 months done already and I am proud of it. Call it petty but I believe it is a right choice, no? I have moved on but I can say that I am still working on myself, Kaizen pretty much sums it all up.

We are all getting tired, aren’t we? Let me finish then. With lockdown came a lot of crazy and weird ideas. I had cornrows!! A whole me!!! With cornrows!! I used to apply hair food and wash it with shampoo. Jeez!! In my defense, I love my hair and I wanted an afro. Looking back at it, I can say I was completely idle and somehow deranged. What’s with that face? Everyone is allowed at least five stupid decisions in a year, I just combined three and used them at a go. Don’t blame me, I do not make the rules. I had them for almost two weeks but had to shave because my cousin was laughing at me every single day. On an unrelated but related note, what is wrong with women? She wanted to braid my hair while it was still shaggy, saying that I will look ‘ more beautiful’ but when I finally plaited it, she laughed at me. Women, why??? I thought she wanted it to be plaited. It went down and I was somehow emotional about it (the afro part) but opted for a fade with curls on the top. I’ll get that afro when I am in my mid-twenties, latest twenty-six.

This year has been fun while it lasted. I got to make some very amazing friends, had insomnia for ¾ of the year, got to know how to cook sumptuous meals, had anger issues, was addicted to Mentos- some type of sweets, skived a LOT of online classes, upgraded my playlist, struggled with writing and editing my work, got depressed for a while, had some great vibes and even knew a way how to find my own peace.

I’ve never done this before but I wish next year we get our wish(es) granted and we input just a little more energy into things/ activities that we love. But honestly, the moderator for 2021, we need more serious stuff, I need my adrenaline pumped! Give us zombies! Give us aliens! Give us talking animals! Give us Birdbox type of elements! It shouldn’t be a lame boring year like this has been. That is my sole wish. If you can’t grant that, I could just wish out loud for Lord Max to hear and he will grant it for me. If you can, just please, please, leave out the month of February- it is my birthday month, I wouldn’t want any unnecessary drama, Okay?

I second him. All the shooting experience I have from PUBG can’t go unused.

Happy New Year everyone! It is technically 31st, less than 24 hours to 2021. If you are reading this in 2021, you could send me an email on chachalesley18@gmail.com, telling me how your year, 2020 that is, was. I’d be very glad to hear your stories. We all need a laugh sometimes😂😂.

YEAR-LONG MISCELLANEOUS

Movies;

Wonder-Woman 1984, Tenet, Soul, The Old guard, Birds of Prey, Onward, Sonic The Hedgehog, The Witches, Hamilton, Citation, Black is King, Vampires vs The Bronx, We can be Heroes

Series;

Queen’s Gambit, Never have I ever, The Umbrella freaking Academy, THE BOYS, Bob’s Burgers

Music;

We had some pretty badass albums

A Better Time– Davido, Made In Lagos– Wizkid, Carpe Diem– Olamide, Apollo– Fireboy, Lucky You– Nyashinski, Midnight Train– Sauti Sol, Three– Patoranking, Afro-pop Vol 1– Adekunle Gold, After Hours– The Weeknd, Twice As Tall– Burna Boy, Savage Mode II– 21 Savage x Metro Booming, Zulu man with some power– Nasty C, Music to be Murdered By( Both the original and deluxe version)– EMINEM.

Books;

Novelwise, I have been slacking.

Butterflies and Circles– Yours Truly, A promised Land– Barack Obama, The Havoc of Choice– Wanjiru Koinange, Sulwe-Lupita Nyong’o.

Life Hacks;

If you have trouble making a decision, flip a coin. While you’re waiting to get the result, your mind automatically starts to wish for what it wants.

Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from.

Tell the people you love that you love them more often.

Bonne année!!

Encore to my roots, Vol.2

Hey,my favourite people!!!It’s me again, with the sequel to my previous blog; the second of this installment. So yeah, get your drinks ready and strap on. I mean…Aaargh…just get yourself comfortable. As a by the way before we start, if you haven’t subscribed, please do so. You don’t want to be missing such greatness.

SO where were we? Oh yes. I had arrived safely at La Casa. It was dark already and my Abuela( Grandmother dearest) had sent two people to come and fetch me. Should I describe them? No? Okay. I won’t just yet. So we were walking towards the gate and my first question was, “Does the dog bite?” Sounds cliché but the last time I was there, all I can say is that I never went outside to pee. Not even once. Simba, her name back then surely scared the living hell out of me. I mean like there was this one time I ran for my dear life and how I found myself on the mango tree, I can’t specify to date. So pardon me if I am cautious about my life. I am not ready to be turned into Dog-man just yet. They laughed and told me what I wanted to hear, “Nope.” They joked about how scared I was and I knew we would have a good time.

I’m not much of a photographer but it had this type of grass..Can’t show you inside though😂😂

How should I describe La Casa to you? It’s not that easy yet it is complicated too. There is this mango tree that is the defining point in the whole compound. It is where I used to hide from doing chores while I was young. It is still the same mango tree that I would swing – yes, it had a certain branch that had passed all the criteria. We had a little swing, low enough that I wouldn’t fall but high enough that I would feel as if I was flying. It is surrounded by grass, the cool type of grass- the picnic one. So basically, it is just grass and a huge patch that is grass free. I really suck at descriptions, don’t I? Just know that it is the kind of place that you can just sit down and breathe. Like heaven, where you can be at peace quite literally. Hold your horses first. You are starting to feel jealous and we aren’t even started yet? Shame on you!

Let’s fast forward to the next day, shall we? I woke up at 10 a.m like the king I am, had breakfast which was milky tea with very very little sugar and some shop maandazis. Have you ever sipped or tasted something and your face subconsciously did that cringe? Like aaargh, but low key. Yes, that one that you are trying to do right now. Yes. My face was like that. I really wanted to say ” So today you guys decided that I’ll die of low blood sugar?” but Anthony, a very funny little fella beat me to that. He basically whispered,” Haina sukari? Nikuletee? Usijali, utazoea.” The words weren’t entirely comforting but I nodded and stretched out my hand. I’d love to say it was the only time my taste buds were shocked but that is not the case. Let me tell you; you normally hear about carbohydrates, heck, some of you only read them in books. Nakuambia I ate them. I ate them till I got used to them.

Before we continue, let me tell you about my Abuela. She is the funniest senior citizen I’ve ever met, if you have the least experience around older people, you know they aren’t funny. Not that ‘I have a joke’ funny, but the situational type of funny. She has this happy yet serious aura all around her. She would literally embarrass you in front of people. Like there was this one time I was from showering and was basking outside with Anthony and Marwa, the other guy, just trying to get to know them. I saw her come and excused myself to go change- I had a short and a vest only, it would have been inappropriate for her. She blasted me with,” Unaenda wapi?” I casually said,”To change.” Grandmother dearest then sized me up and blatantly said,” Kuchange nini na nimekuona everywhere?” Loosely translated to why change yet I’ve seen you naked? I have never felt more embarrassed. Yes, she had a pretty strong and valid point there, but was it necessary? No, it wasn’t! Exactly. I’m happy you agree with me on that. She literally embarrassed me in front of people I was trying to woo. There were no hard feelings and we all laughed it off , but still, I had to get back at her. She loves avocados, so my best type of revenge would be to give her a run for her avocados. Whenever I saw one, I’d slice it in half and eat it. That was my payback. Wait, why are you sneering at me? I am RIGHT! It wasn’t a big deal though. One huge avocado retails at 10 shillings so there were no losses incurred. I ate a lot of them I’m thinking of changing my middle name to guacamole. Lesley Guacamole .C. ,has a nice ring to it, right?

I could go on and on about my Abuela but then we’ll stay here for more than an hour. Or should I? No? Okay. I heard you. Personally, trips to the rural areas wouldn’t be complete without the inaugural tour. It is a must. It is in the law, you can check it out. My almost five million attempts at escaping have all but one proven futile. She would quite literally parade me to her friends and relatives. I understand if she is trying to show off her tall shy grandchild but is it necessary? Maybe it’s the joy of being old, I may never know until I have my own. Should I mention the awkwardness that follows. In a typical scenario, someone would come up to us, greet her then they start talking about me as if I am invincible. Like, Over here! I am over here!! In front of you. Don’t get me started on the compliments and their observations. “You have grown! You are very tall!” I will smile but I’m like, Was I supposed to be a dwarf or something? Should I stop growing? What’s your deal? ” You look like your mum! I knew you since you were a baby! I changed your napkins! Okay, thanks. Babies don’t remember anything till about 10. You changed my napkins, okay – that means another person has seen me naked. You know how creepy that is? ” Do you remember me?” I will feign remembering and start smiling stupidly, guessing random names or simply scratch my forehead but You expect me to remember you after 10 years yet we do not interact? Are you mad? I’m not being rude or disrespectful but sincerely, are their questions logical? If they are hypothetical, they could pass as reasonable.

Let’s breathe , shall we? Let us calm down first. We were going too fast. On an unrelated note, have you read Butterflies and Circles ?She has 42 strong chapters and is almost 5 months old, I will blog about her soon. In summary, she’s about Kate,a young adult who is in her feelings and her friends, Nora, Don and Joe. Go though her and I promise you, she will be worth your time. I have already made my cameo, you don’t want to miss it.

People say happiness is a place, well, your honour, I would like to differ. A place is only as happy as the people who are in it. Theme parks you say? Disney world? Wi-Fi? Netflix? You could have all that and still not be happy. Technically, you are you and I am me, so I might just be happy in Disney World, I mean, who wouldn’t? It is DISNEY WORLD!!It is on the top of my bucket list- right up there with finishing Butterflies and Circles before my birthday. But that is not the point. I am trying to make a certain different point here!!! My point is that happiness is a person, or people- it also is Disney World but aaaargh!! My little endeavor would not have been worthwhile if certain two people weren’t there. They were the funniest people I have ever met- if I ever told you you are funny before, please accept my apologies. They did not have memes but surely made me laugh, they even made me forget about my phone for hours- and I never leave my phone for more than five minutes . How was it so? I could let you in for a while- maybe give you a boring fact about me. In any place I visit, I am better off talking to the people in the sidelines rather than the ones on the top. These ‘shadow’ people most times are the most fun to hang out with, provided they find you accommodating. I didn’t go directly to them as soon as I arrived, that would have been awkward, I let them size me up first while I basked in the ‘ visitor’ glory. I made sure I grinned at each of their subtle remarks and boy they make a lot of them. Wooing them wasn’t as hard as I thought, just make someone feel special or ,make them feel as if they matter and you will have them wrapped on your finger. Manipulative? Yes. Safe mentally? Yesser. Effective? Yest. You are welcome.

Hogwarts!!!! It’s in Disney World. Now tell me why I wouldn’t be happy!

They told me stories that had us cracking till 2 am. We’d make jokes about the smallest of things, about how my Abuela is protective of her avocados- where, as your guess is right, I took my revenge on. They made sure I ate meat or matumbo every single day I was with them, plus they would bring me the best mangoes daily. Their catch? I hotspot and upgrade their phones’ apps till they felt satisfied. Quite a fair deal, isn’t it? In short, they had this type of vibe that is quite unexplainable, like mine- I have some amazing vibes- but greater. I can swear that there wasn’t a single day that I didn’t laugh my heart out. We’d just be seated and then one would diss the other, or when we were watching then someone changes the channel, a subtle “ Mheshimiwa mtukufu rais ameamua kutusafishia TV, ni kama tumekuwa tukiona matope. Wacha nilete duster tupanguze hapo” loosely translated to “His excellency the president has decided to clean up the TV, it seems we were watching sh*t. Let me clean that up.” Such snide remarks had me gasping for air while trying my best to keep a straight face. It reached a point where no one could offer a simple honest comment. I would really filter my words before speaking; they could turn on you anytime- and when you are IT, everyone, literally everyone , my Abuela included, would chip in. It was relative to everyone. Roasting was the order of the day, not the chaotic type, just the calm, harmless type.

At times, we would go and harvest maize, ripe enough for eating but raw enough that it wouldn’t be ground to flour.. Every day, we’d go and harvest five or maybe ten from a farm about five kilometers away- my step counter calculated this. It was our low budget energetic dessert, right before we slept. It was like the energy that was used in walking to and fro was reprised by the roasted maize that we would feast upon. We’d go get sugarcane- for this, the fields were far so we went and did one huge scoop, like one backpack full of sugarcane- it is from here that I learnt I have weak teeth. What are you saying? Don’t you DARE blame it on the ice cream! Don’t you even try thinking about it. but since we are talking about ice cream , you could buy me one here,Let’s buy an Ice cream tub, shall we?, I’ll appreciate. I didn’t bleed, I just felt like they could break or something.

I’d love to continue, but why don’t we take a rest here? I could go on rambling about the whole experience though we all need a break in every storytelling marathon. It was initially supposed to be a three part series but I am seeing it is going to have an extra part.

Till then, ciao.

Miscellaneous.

Song(s);

Hapo Tu– The G.O.A.T Nyash ft Kaiga. If you don’t vibe to this, then we can never be friends.

Chasing Cars– Ed Sheeran. It is soothing.

Movie/ Series;

Birdbox– This really had me be cautious around floating leaves.

Queen’s Gambit– Haven’t watched it yet but I hope it is worth the hype.

Book(s);

Remember A mother’s detox? It requires you to read it with patience. Things aren’t what they seem.

A Promised Land– Barack Obama.

Life Hacks;

Taking 20 deep breaths every morning automatically sets you off to a good mod, regardless of how you woke up.

Just be kind and your manifestations will fall into place.

DO NOT step on a cat’s tail. I repeat DO NOT! No matter how fast you think you are! It is coming from experience.

Stay safe. Observe hygiene.

Enroute to my roots, Vol 1.

😂It’s still a ride. And I love it here!

Hey guys! It’s been a minute since we had coffee, right? Well, today we’ll need just one serving, but better restock because you’ll need three of these before we’re finally done with where we are going. Get comfortable and let’s start!

So funny thing, I got tired of city life and decided to go home, not home, home home, like home home home. Home sounds weird right now? Mission accomplished. I don’t want to be alone in that. So yeah, let’s swim in the weirdness of home. Home? Home! Home, home? Home? Too much, no? anyway, some people said east or west ,home is best and they were right. So, Winnie, Iwritefromtherurals; and I’m the captain now!!You can check her blog, She writes from the City


Personally, I felt the city life was getting boring day by day. I mean, you are basically repeating every single thing. Classes, errands, classes, youtube, Twitter, errands, Netflix, youtube, shitting, or is my life just plain boring? But yeah, I got tired of it and booked the first easycoach to La Casa . People said mwanaume si kutumia Uber, mwanaume ni kuteleport, innit? Well, I guess there is a reason Lesley is unisex. You can fill the blanks then.


Should I bore you with the travel details? All I can say is I spent almost five million hours on the road, listened to Eminem a LOT, until that lady programmed in Bluetooth devices began screaming in my ear,” Low Battery” ,but jokes on her, I had two. So yeah, we were in Narok, almost 7 hours away from my destination and my phone was on 20% ,no powerbank, no auxiliary power.( Just said that to feel cool. So what? People in movies say it all the time. Makes the moment feel somehow important ) .I should’ve charged it fully before leaving you say? Excuse me, I was woken up at 5! 5!!!!FiVe!! For the first time that week, so yeah, technically by 3pm, I’d be completely offline but it lasted till 7 pm. Cheers to Ultra Low power saving mode, that stuff works wonders.

Weeeuh😂😂😅 Forget the excuses, I was just nervous. She was Peng!!!


That aside, let me tell you Maina, I saw a peng girl seated three seats to my left, you know, like a typical knight move (laughs in chess). She was dark skinned, tall enough but not taller than me, had braids that were tied to the back of her head and other features that I’ll censor for today. In short, she was fine. Maybe a 7, no more no less. Did I ask for her number? No! Did I talk to her? No. In my defense, I had valid reasons not to. First, there was the distance stuff, two seats is a pretty huge space given how Easycoach have observed social distancing in their buses plus in between, there were two women around 50 something. They seemed friendly all right but I just didn’t want to disturb them. Secondly, she had her earphones on and that itself means “don’t disturb me” in my language. So I let it slide but I’d gladly let her slide 😂. If you reason just a little like me, then you’ll see my point. I simply didn’t want to be in another long and boring talking stage, plus it was just a long hassle and I needed my sleep. I was woken up at 5, remember?? Plus where else would we meet, nowhere exactly. After all, talking to strangers is bad. Breathe if you agree. Yes, thank you. We’re on the same page.


So I just sat there, not really sulking throughout the five million hours but I got the time to rethink about all my life decisions and stuff. You know, when you look into the distance and all you see is road, and more road and more road. I’d love to say I had that crying by the window posture but that would just be overdoing it. There I was, sipping yoghurt and going through sad nigga hours version 2.0 with my earphones keeping me company. I cursed why I hadn’t carried a paperback novel but I packed in a hurry, so it was kind of my fault.

😂😂sad nigga hours 2.0


Fast forward to 6.30 pm. I was on a matatu and the only directions I had were “Alight at a place called Tamasa.” I hadn’t been here for over five years and I’m supposed to know where it is? There’s where the panic starts to settle in. You don’t know where it is, my phone was on 2%, I was alone, it was getting darker by the minute. You keep on looking around and squinting just to see anything close to Tamasa for that matter. I could use Google Maps? Well, thank you for that awesome idea. I hadn’t thought of that!!!!! Silly. My phone was on 2%, barely surviving and if I turned on location services, it would run out faster than Usain Bolt. So yeah, that would’ve been a disadvantage.


Good thing my grandmother is somehow popular there, just had to tell the driver “ Nashukia kwa Mama Swagi” and voila, got home in one piece, only to be greeted with “ Hey! A tall guy like you anaezapotea huku? Hauna aibu!” Like chillll, I am new here!
Day one done and dusted, I didn’t really get time to look around and just watched an episode of Archer before sleeping. That was just the beginning, it’s a three part series, the next one will be way longer. Mahn, there are a lot of stories to tell from here. From the puppies, to Sir Meowsy, a lot really.

Till then, adios.

Miscellaneous


Song(s) : Youssou N’dour- My child, Takuta. (This really gets you into the “rural mood” or you could listen to them when you feel nothing inside )
Kalakuta- Bey T, some guy who has a really amazing base, and the rest of the singers.


Movies & Series: Black Lagoon– If you like missions and the sea/ocean fights and stuff, this is the anime for you. 18+ though.
Archer– Will never get old. Plus season 11 is out. They’re in SPACE!


Book(s) : A mother’s detox -Funny type of romance, though I’m not done yet.

Always carry powerbanks, learnt this the hard way. Actually, I still am.

BREAKS!!!!

CUT!CUT! That’s what directors would say when a scene isn’t as per recommendations, or something like that, but I have to say, it’s quite a scene seeing them shout …no pun intended though, but yes, they sound really funny saying that ,I am not going to lie about that.


Hey guys, it’s me, again, and welcome back to my blog. My apologies though ,I know it has been a while, a pretty long while since I wrote a blog. Let me search for excuses…still searching….I have found none. It was and is continually my bad. Wait! I have an excuse actually. And it’s not about my 60 chapter baby. Not yet. Oh yes, I think the most suitable excuse that I could use here is that I was on a break. On a blogging break and that’s precisely what I want to talk about today -breaks ,or brakes. Depends if you have a car or not. I could possibly mention Blake, a fictional character in Lexicon; but now’s definitely not the time for such. No need to worry though, my break is almost over…and when it is, you guys better have oxygen tanks nearby because you’ll definitely be out of breath till when we’re done. That said and done, gentlemen (Elijah doesn’t say ladies but I will) and ladies, shall we?



2020 has been one hell of a ride. It actually had us in the first half, locusts, Australia being invaded by the fire nation, Iran using peng babes as their arsenal just in case there was a WWIII, BLM ,EndSARS, me not gaining even a single pound yet I’ve been eating like five elephants combined. My little afro which died a natural death, the evolution of Elsa,and memes going to a whole new level. In short, this year has really tested our mental health and it’s not yet over.Its like it was a year specifically made for our character development. Some even said that a BDSM playlist could be made out of it because it has a lot of pain. I know I shouldn’t acknowledge anything yet,because for sure it’s too early to do so,but there have been little pockets of happiness here and there throughout the year.



Jerusalema came and it has definitely refused to fade out.And while we are at that, could we just talk about how there have been some fire songs in the past two months? Hold am tight,hold am jeje!!!!Make I tell you wetin happen for Abule. Mahn,this song has been on repeat for two straight weeks now. Still on Patoranking, Whine it ft Sauti sol is just a classic. Are we talking about Sauti sol already? Time flies Featuring Burna Boy,weeeuh. Pure greatness. If I start talking about music, I’ll never finish. Bangers after bangers.



Well,well,well, where were we? With those little pockets of happiness, it has still been a hard year, and frankly, I can’t stress about taking breaks any more. It literally has to happen,come whatever may. A break that is. I don’t base “taking breaks” entirely on 2020,but it seems just about right.
Let’s be clear here, by saying breaks, I mean some time off, some would call it ‘me time’. Actually that sounds better. Such breaks don’t have a time constraint. You could take one hour breaks every day, just ‘me time’ ,no phone no nothing,just you breathing and vibes. Probably sit outside and just observe the sky, look at the trees around you if there are any, lay down and stare at the grass for a change, observe ants or just something other than tech on the ground. As Antman said, “ It’s the little things that matter.” If you can’t get some fresh air outside, you could as well simulate your own indoors. Turn on a fan or open a window and sit in a yoga pose, think about nothing at first but later on,you could have a notepad or something to write on, and just write what you normally think about but never really had the time to actually think about. Drawing blanks? Then just look around your room and see what you don’t admire anymore. We’ve been so occupied that we don’t even decorate our rooms or even houses for that matter.Look at your wardrobe for example. Does it need a makeover? Your book shelf , it’s definitely not spiderman but it has webs. I said a break, and not chores though, do nothing about it just yet but note it down. If you are comfortable with some music,play it then, but the less tech, the better. I’m becoming irrelevant now. Just use that time to breathe, in and out severally till you are calm. Ignore checking out your stuff; after all, it’s ‘me time’ and not ‘me and my stuff time’ that’s definitely the name of other times that are not ‘me times’. Take a break from everyday life,that’s what I’m trying to say. I have no specific time frame, but mine ranges from 3pm to 5pm after I’m fully fed. It could be from 4 to 6pm, or 5 to 7pm. Afternoons are the most suitable. That’s normally for home- based breaks, but it works all the same.



Breaks could be from work too, and these are sugarcoated with the word ‘vacations’ .Technically these are just high budget ‘me times’. I completely get it, work can be overwhelming at times, school can really bore the daylight out of you, staying at home too much could do the same too. Sometimes we don’t know we need breaks from even the least of places. When’s the last time you had a good time and didn’t care about doing the dishes afterwards? When last did you just wake up without feeling groggy about making breakfast ? When did you last just sit down and breathe peacefully without someone bothering you?
Vacations can be anything, provided you have just enough money. It could be a week at the beach, a week at a nature park, you name them. It just needs to be someplace away from where you normally are,unless you are a subaru guy then you have a pass to some women. But that’s not the case. For the record, vacations aren’t that expensive as people make them sound like. All you need is 350 dollars, someone or your family to spend time with and nature. Lots and lots of nature, but if you’re a first timer in vacation stuff, I’d highly recommend time at the beach. Book a hotel or opt for Airbnb, provided you’ll have the time of your life. No view beats a beach at sunrise,well, except the same beach at sunset but you get the point? The sound of waves hitting the shore itself is soothing. Let me not even talk about the breezes. Pure greatness. The only downside to it is that you can start your own cement company because for sure you’ll be carrying a lot of sand in places you didn’t know sand could get into.


So why the need of breaks when I love my job and everything is fine? I have no specific answer to this but you never know what you’re missing until you get it. Take that break asap, the twice a week ones at home first and then vacations later. The vacation doesn’t really have to be on Dec ,that’s bullshit and the prices would have been hiked up by then. Surprise yourself and go to a beach in July, go hiking in October, disrupt the status quo. Just have some fun all by yourself, after all, no one ever really died from too much fun. On the bright side, you’re helping the tourism sector and you’ll be making worthwhile memories in the process.



I can’t really emphasize this any longer but just take a fucking break. You’ll thank me later.



Ciao.



Wait, wait, wait…before I go, please check out Butterflies and Circles exclusively on Wattpad. Massive uploads coming within 48 hours.

Books: Frankly, I haven’t read any this week, so this is a pass.

Series: Have I ever talked about The Boys? The complete season two is out!!!!

Songs: Made in Lagos by Wizkid dropped yesterday but I’m yet to listen to it. Hope it is worth the hype. Meanwhile, Fireboy’s Apollo Album and Olamide’s Carpe Diem are pure classes in their own measures, Lest I forget Patoranking’s Three!!!

Life hack: If you remember a meme while taking pictures, your smile/ laugh will come out better.

ADOLE CENTS

I bet the first thing that pops into your mind is the stereotype rowdy young human, well, shame on you for thinking that! In your defense,you hadn’t come across this blog yet,I believe it will change your view for the better.So,get comfortable and let’s begin. I’d suggest some water,or any available drink-you need to stay hydrated.Welcome to my blog!!! Cue Chainsmoker’s YOUNG.

Lets get this straight,I’m not a teen sympathizer,nor am I against parenting,but I strongly believe they are widely misunderstood.It may be their fault or even the other person’s fault,it depends on how you view it.I’ll try viewing it from both perspectives.

A typical teenager is someone undergoing a lot of changes,physically,emotionally and spiritually.Let that sink in first.These are basically children tasting adulthood for their first time,probably the only time they will ever do.We all can relate fully,and according to me,one passes teenage years when he reaches 25.Yes,25 years .Thats when he starts to mature,and become more realistic in life.before then,everyone is still childish (don’t take this the wrong way).

I have to admit some facts though.Teenagers do a lot of stupid stuff.Really silly stuff,and we can’t blame them.It’s just a phase,and like all phases,it will surely pass.One has to be patient.Dealing with teenagers is simple,though at times may be really hard.Hormones are running everywhere,emotions 24/7,egos have started coming up-its not easy for either side.

If you’re a parent,don’t worry a lot about what they’ll do.Just give her the space she needs ;if you can’t afford NASA’s registration fee,then give her privacy.She’s not ten anymore,so you don’t have to boss her around everytime.If she gets bored by you,suck it!Accept and move on.She’ll come around later.Give her the love she needs,not necessarily the love she wants. Send him money randomly,not only when he’s sad but also when he’s just there,neither happy nor sad;campus students are suffering out here.Create a suitable environment for them to thrive in,not necessarily doing chores every five hours.(Mental high five young kings and queens!!!)Buy them gifts occasionally,make them feel wanted,even for a short while and you will definitely notice the differences.Make them feel like they have some control over things that  happen in the house,even though in real sense they don’t.For instance,give let them choose what’s for supper between the available food-technically they’ll feel like they are in control when actually they aren’t .You’d have made the same choice either way.Listen to them,or pretend to,at least for a change,and they will feel like you care,and may open up to you sooner than expected.Lastly,NEVER call them adolescents.They hate that with passion.Straightforward,right?

As much as you do this,don’t be silly either.This group of people are the most creative.The things they’ll do for the tiniest of reasons is mindblowing.You need to give them some freedom.I mean real freedom.What about the dangerous world out there,you ask? You need to trust them to make the right decisions,at least once;but keep in mind they are not ready for the world out there.It’s a lot,yes but if you keep them closed and cornered in your compound,you’re successfully breeding a Sherlock-Holmes level kind of liar.Tell them what they need to know,when they need to know it.Don’t shove it into them though.Its simple but complicated,like women.

There are many misconceptions about teenagers though.These are:

  • Answering a question is not talking back.
  • Closing the door doesn’t mean they are hiding something
  • They have feelings too,and when they get offended,that’s not rudeness.
  • Comparing them to other kids is derogatory and hurts.They don’t compare parents,so why would you?
  • Laughing at their phones doesn’t mean they are flirting with someone-high chances they are viewing memes.
  • Just because they are right in an argument doesn’t mean they are disrespecting you.Suck it!
  • Taking away their phones doesn’t help,it only makes them more arrogant.
  • They are cool with talking about sex .No!!!! That stuff is embarrassing!!!!

Damn,Major Lazer hits every nerve rn…….”No matter what they do,no matter what they say,no matter what they try….no matter which wayyy…..they can’t take it from me!!!!”And Wizkid’s album was overhyped ,but S.M.I.L.E  was a good song.Have I mentioned Burna Boy?Dude was featured by Sam Smith in Oasis-talk about good music; on top of Wonderful.Banger after banger after banger!!!!!

As much as I’ve talked about what the need,being a teenager is not a walk in the park.It is equally hard.

Typically, we have all these sorts of expectations to live up to,some which are relatively outdated.

Hey concerned adult,

Seriously speaking,how do you expect us to do chores from morning till evening and smile at you as if everything is okay?That only happens once a year,or when we feel like.How do you expect me to get my shit together?I’m only eighteen,still figuring out my taste in music and my romantic preferences.I haven’t been heartbroken properly yet.I only care about memes and if my crush noticed me in class,and 95% of the time whether my data bundles will last to the next Instagram post. Right now is definitely on the time to talk to me about politics,or devolution.Heck,I know what’s going on in the world via memes,I;m not ready yet!! I care about my periods,and the pain I’ll have to endure to get past those three harrowing days.I don’t give a shit about the economy,I only care about Fenty Skin and messing around with people’s heads.Though I’ll listen to you talk about the economy while waiting for you to perform CPR to my bank statement.Its high time I started making my own decisions.Come on,trust me.

Yours sincerely,

Concerned teenager.

Just have fun.

To that teenager almost giving up,things will get better,trust me,it always does,just give it time.Your crush won’t text you back though-he doesn’t even know if you exist.You can stop that addiction if you really wish to,and make yourself a better person.You can do anything you want,after all,you can officially go to prison,so think severally before you do anything out of peer pressure.Use condoms-you’re nor ready to be a parent just yet,and STDs are real.You can imagine the embarrassment of going in for Syphilis medication. Eeeewwwwww.Take care of your money too.If the relationship is not working,leave while you still can,before it gets too toxic.Suicide is not the answer. We don’t need any more deaths.Covid took many.And just be you,no one can dictate the person you wish to become other than you.Believe in yourself first.

You see, understanding teenagers is easy,if you are willing to. Meanhile,stay safe,sanitize and be happy.

Excuse me,I have to puke,and wash off all that motivation crap from my mouth!!!!

Adios.

Series; Umbrella Academy is baaaaccckkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!Y’all really need to watch this!

Books: Butterflies and Circles,written by yours truly! Click here to read it https://my.w.tt/5Qp4rpm4r8

Songs:Just discovered Eminem,so I’d suggest STAN,THE WAY I AM,WHEN I’M GONE.

Life hacks;

Don’t keep all your weird shit in one folder.

If you feel you are friendzoned,ask her to fix you up with one of her friends.She’ll either feel jealous and admit her feelings or set you up on a date.Modern solutions for modern problems.

When a friend is venting to you,it’s better to stay silent rather that trying to give advice.

Seriously, I’m Kidding.

Don’t look at me, read on!!!

Are you a fan of kids? Of their nature? If you are, then this is the absolute blog for you. Sadly, if not, this post could widen your horizon to their world. You could as well gain some tidbits on how to conduct yourself around them, so please, read on.


Let’s start from the basics, technically a kid is someone of the ages 0 to 17 years 11 months. It could be a 40 year old, or even a 70 year old having kid like personalities. Let’s not complicate stuff any further, everyone has a kid in them, it just takes the right environment to let it out, but we’ll stick to the 0-17 age period.


BABIES(0-5 years)


These are the kids of all kids. Sometimes called infants, sometimes little explosives, other times abujubuju, because they have chubby cheeks. They are pretty much hard to understand, but it takes a while. They are the simplest to control. Yes, you read that right. Simplest of all kids,though the screaming will be unbearable. Babies have no shortcut on how to deal with. All you need to have is faith they won’t get mad. Just give them food, be there to change their diapers when they shit, blow a balloon for them (works 70% of the time) to play with, lift them up occasionally, sway with them till they sleep and voila!! You’re done.



I have to say though, this is a very fragile and delicate time of their lives. You have to check the temperature of each and every food they eat, checking the house for any potential hazard, be it nails, sharp corners of furniture, restrict the kid from going to high places;placing him/her at risk of falling and even ensuring they handle the least breakable utensils. Lest I forget, now is when you begin practicing pharmacy, medicine all over the house, because you never know what the baby will be up to.


This too, is the worst time to have house parties, pets( some dogs aren’t shepherds), too many visitors ( you don’t want your baby to be sick, do you?) If you’re planning to return to a normal sleeping schedule, just forget it. You have to be alert every minute of the day, a little whine and you should be Usain Bolt around the house. I have to say though, this is the scariest bit about having an heir, well, apart from the giving birth itself. It’s 1.24 am, and yet the next door neighbour’s 5 month old baby is crying, I don’t know the reason why, but she sure interfered with some of my sleep.


It isn’t that bad of a stage though, babies are adorablllleeeee, they are always happy whenever they aren’t crying, they struggle to say their first word, they follow you everywhere to keep you company, they eat willingly, you don’t have to worry about homework yet, they are fun, “We don’t care about anything other than dancing, eating, pupuing and playing;and we don’t like Baby Shark!!! :translated from ‘gaga buju blaba uuuhg gugu babamaga maba naha bebe sha‘ , “said Yels, a three year old boy I had the privilege of interviewing. I deleted Baby Shark and Raining Tacos immediately. Simple, right ? But I never said it was easy.



Babies are normally shy, most of them would rather stick to the person they feel closest to than be carried by a stranger, ukikataliwa, don’t take it personally. They don’t have taste in people yet. Research has shown that they most likely remember people by their smell or perfume, so don’t be disappointed when she accepted you two weeks ago and refuses you now, probably your scent is the issue. They love sweet smelling stuff, you have your answer.


Babies out here being massaged and getting spa treatments yet they ain’t paying no bills smh. I’d also say that ukielewana nap from the start they’ll rarely give you any trouble.The only challenge is diaper change😭. In this life and the next,I’ll always prefer baby boys over girls all day errday😌.”Precious, a future mother, shared her thoughts earlier in the day.

Boss Baby.


MINIATURE BOMBS(6 – 12 years)


Frankly, this group of people are indescribable, and I lacked a better name.


Every person I had the privilege to interview said one thing: they are disturbing, naughty, cheeky;All those adjectives. If you already have some experience with them, I’m pretty sure you can relate. If you can’t, I suggest you watch one, only one, episode of Masha and the Bear, it airs on Boomerang 5pm on weekdays. I bet you can feel the bear’s frustration when dealing with that young lady. She’s always jumping up and down and mischievous throughout.

Masha😂😂🔥🙌



A cousin of mine, Valna, is a perfect example. He can really piss you off. He will really push you to the edge,a typical mini-bomb. They won’t do their homework, they won’t eat, they won’t bathe,they won’t poo, they won’t allow you to watch Family Guy in peace, they will always want you to play with them when you’re tired.They will shove their phones in your face, showing you the very same Godzilla vs Female Muto fight scene for the 10th time that hour. They will cry when their phone’s off, they’ll cry when you tell them NO, they have their tear ducts ready at the slightest disappointment.



Just remembered Wizkid’s album us dropping tommorow, the 16th of July😍💯🔥🔥. I can’t wait. It’s going to be liiiiiitttttt, then Davido’s, then Burnnnnaaaaaa Boooyyyyyyyyy’s. Weeeeuh, I’ll dance a lot this month. Fire after fire after fire songs. Afro beats to the wooorrrlllldddd!!!


Back to those grenades. Yesss, they tend to cry a lot, meaningless tears, or so it seems. Babies normally cry with reasons, like maybe she’s hungry, or her poop is turning her behind to Hiroshima, or maybe she fell down. Well, these little creatures are on a whole new level. Sincerely, who’ll cry when her phone’s at 0%? ( unless you sent some nudes to the family group, you have my permission to cry). Who’ll cry when it’s time for News? Who’ll cry when the Tv is switched off? Get a life! Who’ll cry when I switch off the light? Or when they get killed in a game?

Overreacting much? 😂 😂


I’m no Saint, neither am I the Devil, but I enjoy teasing Valna. At times I set the shower to cold water, then watch as drama unfolds. My best part of the day is when I switch off the lights, barely three minutes pass and suddenly he tells me, “Nifanye nini sasa? Unataka nini?” in a low, pleading voice. Let me correct your thoughts, I’m not bossy though, it’s having funnn. The look on his face is priceless!! At least I am entitled to my revenge, because God knows what he did during the day.


“They are stubborn😹,clumsy they want to know everything
They ask questions….” Mello, a close friend stated. They ask questions, a lot of questions for that matter, on average, research shows that kids ask 437 questions a day. “…. concerning how they see life, like I actually remembered my cousin Harris some days back she asked my mom why she only has one child😹she should get another one.” It’s okay to be curious, but aren’t they overdoing it?



As much as I’ve dwelled so much on their evil side, they’re actually fun to hang out with. They are little peddlers of happiness, in it’s pure form. Once, I was feeling sad and Valna came and showed me one of his silly little videos and it was actually funny, it was about a pig, like the ones in Angry Birds, driving an airplane and crashing each and everytime, like 10 different crashes, each funnier than the last. I actually downloaded the game, Bad Piggies HD, and it turned out fine. Apparently that’s not the only game I’ve copied from him. I played Ant Revolution, Roblox😂😂, Godzilla Smashy City, Slither IO, Minion Rush. They gave me that feeling of being a kid again, not caring about anything other than winning and not dying. It was, and is actually fun.


I believe one overlooked trait in kids is that they have feelings too, on a small scale. They can feel rejection, emotional pain and hurt. They are minor adults, the only thing lacking is experience. Try asking the kid nearest to you how they’re feeling, or their opinion about stuff and you’ll be shocked (preferably ages 7 to 12) When’s the last time you asked that kid if he wanted to bathe, or are you always forcing him to? There’s always room for negotiations, and both of you will gain. If they get bored by you, it’s normal, don’t go forcing stuff. For heaven’s sake, she’s a kid!!!!



Frankly speaking, kids teach us a lot of lessons, only that we aren’t keen enough to notice. I’ve been taught patience, that crying solves 30% of your issues, and that don’t go with your phone to the toilet, it’ll fall inside.


Quick trick, in order to live with a kid peacefully, have the following :

  • Sweets,be it lollipops or mints, or Chewing gum, whichever he/she likes.
  • Balloons, several of them, like 20.
  • Board games, be it Snakes and Ladders, chess, checkers, or even word games( in case you’re trying to reduce tech influence)
  • Powerbank. They’re too sensitive about their phones going off.
  • Juice/Soda nearby. Works effectively in calming them down.
  • Plenty of serviettes, they can easily dirtify your precious furniture and their clothes.
  • Airtime / data bundles. You know the tech generation pretty well, no need to explain this.
  • Wall clock. So that they know when to go to sleep.
  • Chocolate. This will surely please them into doing their homework. It works as a perfect leverage.
  • Know how to cook their favourite food, works 95% of the time.
  • Patience. For your own good.
  • Access to their favourite cartoon, or movie. Could as well be substantial leverage.
  • Common sense. Use it frequently.




Last question, before you think about having a kid, or taking care of one, are you ready to watch the same movie for 4 years? The hell, I’ve watched Godzilla for 2 months straight, Hotel Transylvania for a year and Minions for two.
Having a kid is like losing 10 years of your life, so use protection, unless you’re ready for parenting.



I will talk about teenagers in my next blog. Thank you for reading.
Adios.



Soundtrack :
Baby Shark, Raining Tacos, Let it go-Frozen
I Like to Move it-Madagascar
Banana song-Minions
Burna boy – Wonderful.
My shot – (Adapted from) The Hamilton.
Nobody-Dj Neptune ft Mr. EAZI ft Joeboy. ( new favourite song)



Movies: The Old Guard🔥🔥
Hamilton



Series:How I met your mother
Pennyworth

This>>>>>>>>


Life Hacks:
“To get your kids to put their shoes on the correct feet, cut a sticker in half and place it on the insides of their shoes.”
“Make a bracelet for your child with your phone number on it. Make them wear it whenever you go out to a crowded place.”
“Use sprinkles to make boring foods turn into tasty ones.
One way to get your children to eat their broccoli and other healthy food is to smother them in sprinkles.”

Dating 101!

“… Good vibes and I’m greatful, hapa nitapanda mbegu….” 🎶🎶 Everyone waits to be told that, or tell someone that, right? Well, read on.



Hello, and welcome to Coffee with Lee, get comfortable and let’s get going.


We all have dated, either once or severally till now. It all started when we were kids, everyone has that kind of experience. It was like miniature golf, but in a dating scenario. The girl/boy we were crushing on in primary, and if they’d talk to you, you’d blush the whole day. In our immature state, if we went home together, sat in the same seats everyday in the bus to and from school functions, that was cause enough to call it dating.


There was once a time I was too shy to talk to a female classmate, damn! I had crushed on her real hard but I didn’t have the guts to tell her. She was one of the courageous girls in school, so you can get what a big deal it was for me. I even had pangs of jealousy, whenever she flirted with other boys, but what is life? I took my L, and left. In a childhood setting, if you hanged out with a girl more than 10 times, it was official you were dating. Regardless if you were ‘just friends’ or not. It was just moo. It didn’t matter. Our simple “dates” were popsicles worth 5 bob, some Big G, and bhajia worth 10, ikienda sana 30 bob. It was pure happiness, thinking that they were in love. I have a pre-teen cousin and she behaves the same way, though in a technologically advanced era. Whenever I call her “boyfriend’s” name, she blushes and quickly changes the topic. Typical, right?



Fast forward to the dating scene right now. First of all, lets get the definition of it right. Dating is the form of romantic courtship typically between two individuals with the aim of assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The result of dating may at any time lead to friendship, any level of intimate relationship, marriage, or no relation at all. Our primary mindset when it comes to dating normally is that people are in love. It’s right, but that’s not the only perspective. People may date due to pre-arranged business decisions: Like Xander in one night stand, some may be due to parental interference:a case in point is in the Hindu tradition , some may be to ward / make your ex jealous ;like Toby Maguire’s Spiderman 3.Possibilities are endless. In short, this simply means that DATING someone is just like the period you check or assess someone to know if the person is due or okay for you.

While RELATIONSHIP is the next stage of dating,probably after dating someone to know more about the person, you now decide to move on with the person. In my view, there’s a thin line between dating and being in a relationship. I’ll accommodate both scenarios, so get comfy once again.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🚉



Rhumba Japaniiiiiiiiiii!!! Hapa ni wapiiiiiiii ??Mawatchie wote wameleta utiajiii……. Parapapa paaaa parapapapa, parapapa paaa parapapapa🎶 🎶🎶Should I continue with my Sauti Sol frenzy? No? I can’t really hear you, please shout!Did someone say yes? Okay, all in favour say aye, while those opposing it say nay! Well, the horses have it. 😂😂. Parting shot, please listen to the Midnight Train album 🚉 Chuuuuu chuuuuu!! You can check it out by CLICKING HERE


Lets get back into perspective, shall we?


With the rapidly changing times, most people prefer online dating first, then physical meet up later. I won’t name any sites, or give any suggestions, that’s completely up to you. All the best though. Use the best pick-up lines though, but they shouldn’t be outdated.

Baestie?



First of all, you should date your best friend. C’mon!!!! He knows you in and out, not quite literally, but it could also do. He’s been there throughout, through thick and thin. They are funnnn tooo. If some friends were to qualify as family, he’d be on top, plus you’ll be saving yourself the hassle of starting all over with someone, from ground zeeerrrooooo! At least he has a headstart. Best friends make the best dating couples, they’ve seen you at your worst and stayed. He’s the person you’re most comfortable with, you can tell him anything without fear of being judged.You trust him. Am I wrong people? That begs the question, why aren’t you dating your best friend? Is it spirit of adventure? Still sampling people out there? Are you waiting for a huge neon sign on his head for you to shoot your shot? Unataka firimbi? I completely get it if you’re afraid to spoil your already awesome friendship, but what’s the point of life if it isn’t about risk taking? If it goes well, you have yourself a bae, if it doesn’t, y’all will laugh about it and forget it in the long run. If you don’t shoot it now, you’ll regret and be jealous of his bae, don’t be like Mile’s best friend (God friended me s1) don’t be scheewpid.Studies show that there’s 75% chance spouses who started as best friends won’t file for a divorce,a successful marriage is assured. In case you don’t have one, get him/her now!! ( I don’t know why, but that song, My Bestie, my Bestie keeps ringing). That’s the best dating foundation any person can suggest. If you can’t find a bestie to date, just go for someone you can play with and be serious with in different scenarios. One who’ll make you happy. No one wants a sad relationship.



Speaking of foundation, not make up though 😂, relationships based on sex never last. You’re just fuckmates. Will the sex speak up for you, or advise you? Yes, it’s fun and all, but goes for 30 minutes tops, it’s just a desire, and desires aren’t made to last. If you wanted sex, you could just have left it at being fuckmates, or friends with benefits. At least there wouldn’t be any commitment issues, and obvious insecurities. I’m not against sex, don’t get me wrong,nor am I saying you abstain. I’m just saying that it shouldn’t be a priority much. You’ll have sex everywhere, every time until you get tired and bored by it. [Desireeeeeeeeeeee, desireeeee –Midnight train 🎶🎶🎶🚉] . It’s a valid reason people get into relationships, if the Weiner was great and the Kitty didn’t disappoint, but it’s not an advisable value to base as your foundation. A simple inquiry, if right now, you were to remove sex from the table, would your relationship still stand? (Pardon for that😂😂😂) You see?It’s not all about the sex. Get your priorities right and keep what’s supposed to be in your pants IN your pants. If you’re too curious, go ahead and explore, you’ll get tired eventually, but it might be too late.


We could use a break, so meanwhile…
Feel my love” by Sauti sol is hitting the right nerves. “Fiiiillllllleeeeee, That’s when you fiiiiiiiilllleeeeeee(african voice)” I’m pretty sure it is feel it, but I’m remixing it. Don’t judge!!!!! 😂 . Okay, that was the last one but I’m not making any promises, sorry.

The flipside.


Dating and relationships in general aren’t always a walk in the park. It has its own flaws too. You shouldn’t ignore the red flags no matter how perfect your significant other appears to be. Narcissistic people often ruin relationships, while authoritative people aren’t much fun either, unless it’s a fetish to some. Red flags may vary from people to people, but DO NOT ignore them. You might struggle, but everything will get better between the two of you. No relationship is perfect, I think this is what we all normally overlook.Chimano sang this for heaven’s sake!! “…. I know sometimes in love there can be pain…🎶🎶🎶.” – Feel my love. There will be bad days, worse days that you’ll feel like giving up, but please don’t. You might regret it later. There will be fights and arguments, and the make up sex will be great, but don’t misquote me. Work your shit out in stead of being childish about it. If it doesn’t, there’s no shame in visiting a relationship therapist. Before that, don’t shut your partner out, no matter how deep it seems to you. She might come in handy and open your mind to many possibilities of solving it. At times you don’t have to offer anything, he might just want a listen ear. It costs nothing. Just listen. It ain’t hard. We are normally in a hurry to reply, yet that’s not the case. We should learn to listen to understand, not just hearing to reply. It’s all about teamwork, be there for each other, be his safe space, sometimes gangster points don’t help. Let him become vulnerable with you. Make yourself become trustable like his mom, he won’t wish to let you go. Allow him to be insecure with you:trust me he’ll be committed. No guy wants his secrets out there, and vice versa. Be open to each other. Fight for him and not against him, defend, don’t tear apart, at least in public.You cam work it out and air your grievances however loud you want privately later .Support her in everything she does, even though they might sound senseless in the moment, at times your support is all she needs to get through with it. A simple gesture could go a long way. You are equals, and a team, and that’s what teams do. Forget the past, learn to forgive,you might be chasing for the moon yet you have your sun right in front of you. Daaamn, I sound like Morgan Freeman😂😂😂.

Communicate! Communicate ! Communicate !



Communication is key. You’ve definitely heard several people say it and I will be no different. COMMUNICATE with him, not just “Hey, hey”, you ain’t horses. If you are having dry conversations, there’s no harm in Googling conversation starters, drop your ego and accept that you don’t know everything, after all, he won’t notice. Who wants to be talking about the same thing over and over again? That’d be boring. There will be many possibilities if you have similar interests, you’ll never run out of ideas to talk to; but talking too much is a turn off, you ain’t radios. Remember that. Set aside your “bae time“, that no one should interfere with. Nothing’s too important, well, apart from Zig and Sharko, but you’re getting my point, right? It’ll boost your communication skills. Yes, even if you’ve been talking to him the whole day. An hour or two won’t hurt. You could décide to call, voice or video call-either could do.Fall in love with her every single day, with every little bit of her.Usipompenda atapendwa na naniii? Atakuwa mgeni wa nanii, Yawaa ?🎶🎶 How she plaits her baby hair, how she moisturizes her lips,how she likes her jewelleries, how she answers her phonecalls, listen to her playlist for a change, strive to make her smile often (when you picture her smiling, you’ll feel relieved anytime anywhere, it works like a charm) , pay attention to the little bits that seems negligible, and for sure you’ll find yourself tripping over her. Don’t stalk her though, that’s a bad impression.A creepy one in fact. Write her a poem. Make her feel appreciated, make her feel loved, make her special. Make her feel wanted. Every girl deserves to feel like a staaarrrrr, every guy deserves to feel like a kiiiiiinnngggggg 🎶🎶- the train’s here again! Give him gifts, buy him a watch, si lazima ikuwe on his birthday pekee. Make everyday Valentines day for the both of you. Write him long emails once or twice a month, telling him what you truly feel. A guy in love craves this kind of affection, but gangster points ni naniiiii ? Imecheza kiyeye. For once take him out, and spoil him. Don’t be a stereotype!! AND VICE VERSA!!!! Be consistent. Talk to her as if you’ve just met her, with the same vibe you had started off with, the same energy throughout, and from the energizer to the energizee, reciprocate his energy too, don’t just become a robot and reply. Talk to him too, be ready to step in whenever he feels overwhelmed. It happens. Don’t be a boring girlfriend, sometimes credit his mpesa, or get him the pS 4 he always wants, or delete his football career in FIFA. Damn it woman! Spice things up. Don’t be a boring boyfriend either. Hide her black bra, take her lingerie shopping, or window shopping in general, tell her to finish a whole pizza by herself. Buy uji afterwards, na managu and make her minyoo confused 😂😢. Get her followers on Instagram for a change. Let your relationship be like Tom and Jerry’s, running around and let it be full of fun, chase each other, both figuratively and literally. If you watch Boomerang, protect your Marina the way Sharko does it, with a whole heart, but at the same time chase her the way Zig does it, he doesn’t give up. Echo that kind of commitment. It’ll be pure bliss.



The things we do for love.



Dating and relationships are all about creativity, we all get excited about surprises. Let me rephrase that, everyone loves creative stuff. Get out of your comfort zone and brainstorm things to do with your partner. You can’t be doing the same things over and over again. That relationship will die a natural death. It’ll become boring! Predictability is death to attraction. And spontaneity is the antidote.
Do you always rotate the same few date ideas over and over? Mix it up with something surprising and romantic (like watching the sky at night in stead of having sex while having deep conversations underneath the stars). Or playful and ridiculous (like building a fort and drinking red wine from sippy cups).
Do you remember the last time you left the city? Get out of town for the weekend.
Do you remember the last time you planned a bad-ass romantic gesture? Write up three different date ideas in three different envelopes and have your date choose their own adventure (they only get to look at one). I’m on a roll guys!!
Take the initiative and create a story that you’ll be talking about for years, not just for a few days and you forget about it.


Bars, hotels, feels like an interrogation.I wouldn’t suggest the first date to be the movies though, you will get awkward,bored and might get tired of being with each other( might be a good place to be naughty when y’all are in a stable relationship). First dates are all about impressions, at least that’s what we are made to believe. That’s boring and seriously outdated. Do something physical and fun for a change. Go outdoors, birdwatching, a concert, nature walks, bike riding, skating, visit an art gallery, strolling around the neighborhood doesn’t sound like a bad idea after all , jogging or any physical activity: rock climbing for instance . Volunteer for a favourite charity, an animal shelter or try a volunteer vacation.Take a second or third language class at an area college or university.Sign up for dance, cooking, or art classes, create a hobby together.Join a running club, hiking group, cycling group, or sports team.Join a theater group, film group, or attend a give-and-take at a museum.Find an area book group or photography club.Attend local food and gathering events or picture gallery openings. Write a listing of activities available in your area and, together with your eyes closed, randomly put a pin in one, whether or not it’s something you’d never normally consider. How about pole dancing, origami, or lawn bowling? Getting out of your temperature are often rewarding in itself.This might not only be applicable to dates but you could apply it in your relationship. Ignite that spark!!!! Don’t let it sink.For pocket friendly fun date joints around Nairobi, CLICK HEREto view the page.



As much as your relationship is fun, don’t let it get into your head too much. Always keep things in perspective. Be comfortable with your partner, but also be wary of whatever else you have going on in your life. Let the dating bit occupy like 30% of you. You have a life out there too! If it becomes too much and overwhelms you, you can negotiate for a timeout, though I’d recommend it to be a last resort. Take a break for a while if it becomes too toxic. You’ll return later. Money issues, that a controversial topic, but I’ll talk about it another day, another blog.



Just stay happy in your bubble for as long as you can. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. It’s your preeeeeccccccccciiiiiiiiiioooooouuuuussss(Gollum’s voice). Your happiness, mental health and self esteem really matter. No one should threaten that, regardless of their position or level of entitlement towards you. No. One.



If you’re still single, don’t stress about it. Love comes when least expected. Meanwhile, you can discover yourself first. It’ll be a fun journey. Someone please cue me out with Sauti Sol’s “My everything”.

I’m on a dating break though.



I really feel like a relationship expert right now😂😂😂😂 but I didn’t want to sound motivational. I didn’t expect it to be this long. Sorry.



Stay safe, sanitize, eat well, watch Bob’s Burgers.



Soundtrack : Midnight Traaaainnnn-Sauti Sol🔥🔥🔥 this will surely make you feel like falling in love, breaking up with someone, all the love big words.
Duduke-Simi
Eyes off you-Pretty much
We must groove-Burnaboy ft 2baba
Big mountain – Baby I love your way

Series: Archer
Movie: Madagascar trilogy
Books: Harry Potter franchise.


Life Hack:Before you marry someone you should first make them use a computer with super slow internet access to see who they truly are.”


“When meeting someone for the 1st time, ask them what they LIKE to do, rather than what they do. It’ll get them excited and spark conversation!”


“When a group of people laugh, people will instinctively look at the person they feel closest to in that group.”- observe the next time y’all are having fun.

All photos courtesy of pinterest.

Auf wiedersehen.

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